Marriage

Disclaimer: I have not been married even once and not in any active relationship. Following views are only product of my interpretations of exposure to others' experiences.

How does a marriage work? How do you know certain marriage is going to last forever? How do you know certain relationship deserves to transform into marriage?

I am from a nation where still a person might not have much say (euphemism) in deciding their partner, where a well educated working man/woman might get hitched in a week after meeting the prospective bride/groom (or even without meeting), where a love marriage is not much different from an arranged one except for more drama. Well, it is also the country with the least divorce rate in the world,1 in 100. Of course there is no official data available, but we can all agree it is a very safe estimate (officially Chile is the country with least divorce rate of 3%). Social pressure is attributed as the major reason for this low rate. I would say its the attitude towards marriage as an imperative

I am somehow not scared of marriage quite different from people of my age. They complain of the endless nagging of parents in pushing them to get married. Even with someone on the mind, they fear letting the parents know as they might be rushed into marriage. Am I incredibly stupid (romantic, optimistic, naive) to think marriage is a good thing and it is not deterrent to our goals? Or is there something I am missing here?

Very few might be regular watchers of the series "The Middle" on ABC network. It's about a family of 5 struggling through everyday problems. A change of career has brought me back home and my sister too, who was waiting to get into college. In this background, I have realized couple of things. The reason why it is never smooth for the Hecks of "The Middle" is because they are five people with different personalities and each unique in their own way (same as every other family). Axl does't get to hang out with his friends, Brick can't read books all the time. Sue has to suffer her brother's relentless mocking. Mike has to be gentle sometimes and Frankie got to give away her frosting sometimes. Being part of the family doesn't allow always you to do what you want to do. Living off your own money, balancing household with demanding career, managing a team of 10 or even sharing room with another person is never an equivalent to being part of a family. Many sacrifices are needed in a day-to-day life. At the same time, this is the most rewarding thing you will ever do. It's an awful world. True it is. Horrible bosses. Terrible traffic. Rising prices. Only thing that makes you get through the day is the thought that you will be home at the end of the day. 

I lived away from parents since I was 16, which is the case of many young people in India now. The critical years of teen is the part of our life where our personalities develop, we blossom as an individual with clarity of thought. Despite the fact that self realization is crucial, this potential does not hold any water in the ability of sharing life with a person. What matters is the strength to do the sacrifices. By the time we reach quarter of our life, we might have forgotten how it is to part with our likes for the family and tend to look at marriage as a foreign concept, creating the so-called reasoning around staying single and notion of perfect marriage.

Undeniably huge melodrama flows in Indian families over discussion on marriage. Part of the orthodox opinions simply are irrational fears. However, the importance placed in marriage makes sense as much as vitality of self realization. It's the starting point of a family, the foundation of human civilization. How many of us felt home at the rented apartment against people who refer the house of parents as home? Hence attributing quest of happiness to marriage (if not solely) is a valid thought.

It is very easy to take this the wrong way. I am not propagating early marriages or arranged marriages or killing your dreams for parents. Simply pointing out that we need to face the fear of commitment and do not label it anything else. Marriage is anyways a gamble, there is no single stance you can take here. All you can do is not to take the stance of letting marriage become a taboo in your head and creating an image of perfect person who does not exist. Marry that person whom you can feel home with.